Des Moines, Iowa (WRT) – After receiving a meager 0.5% of the democratic Iowa Caucus vote, O’Malley ended his bid for President early in the evening so he could step out “and get a fuckin’ bite to eat”.
“I came straight here, I’m the hungriest American there is right now, and I have the record to prove it” O’Malley said to a bewildered Denny’s cashier, confused why he was talking so loudly as the only other person in the building besides the chef. Unaware she was about to serve the recent drop out of the Democratic Presidential race, she asked O’Malley whether or not he voted in the Iowa caucus.
“Did I vote in the Iowa caucus? DID I VOTE IN THE IOWA CAUCUS? I’ve never needed a Grand Slam so badly in my life.” O’Malley said visibly frustrated while aggressively loosening his tie.
At press time, O’Malley could be seen stabbing what was left of his Grand Slam meal with a fork and staring through his booth’s window into a nearby yard with a visible “Hillary Clinton For President” sign.