Miami, Florida (WRT) – After winning seven states in the Democratic Primary on Tuesday night, Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton made sure to thank her volunteers while trying her best not to mention that the states won are more likely to be Republican states in the general election anyway.
“I thank you all for the ongoing, very important, and totally not redundant support we saw here on Super Tuesday” Clinton said to a raucous applause. “We know we’ve got work to do, I’ve got work to do, and I’m positive that your vote still somehow matters” Clinton said to the ecstatic crowd as she tried not to make her supporters feel completely worthless as they will probably end up being in states such as Georgia, Alabama, and Texas.
“Going forward, we need to remember to get everyone we can to vote… everyone we can. We need to ask even our family, friends, and co-workers in other states to vote. States like California, New York, Washington, Wisconsin, Maine, and many other preferably Midwest and North Eastern states.”
At press time, Bernie Sanders reinforced strong support in historically democratic states while CNN released another report about the inevitability of Hillary Clinton.
Update: 8:31 am EST – It has come to our attention that readers have pointed out that Massachusetts is not inherently inside the number of commonly Republican states in general elections, in our defense, Bill Clinton is not usually inside Massachusetts. Our sources confirmed Wednesday that President Bill Clinton showed no restraint in taking full advantage of a state that was reportedly feeling “vulnerable” last night.