Everywhere, United States (WRT) – After a night of glory, triumph, joy, and fun brought on by Super Bowl 50, a thorough study has discovered that childhood poverty is still a thing.
“I just don’t know how that could be true, I had so much fun tonight” said one skeptical man after the Super Bowl. “I’ve eaten so much today I feel absolutely sick. I’ve never been that hungry before and probably would kill myself if I was.”
When presented with the fact that 22% of all children in the United States live in poverty, the man responded “Well not my children, definitely not my children. I don’t know anybody going through that.”
When asked whether or not he would do anything to combat childhood poverty in the United States, the man told reporters “Well, you know, I kind of have this Super Bowl after party that I’m REALLY late for. So I mean I wish I could help, but ERRRRRRR, I already have plans tonight.”
At press time, the local douchebag was seen drinking his 6th beer in his four bedroom house.