London, England (WRT) – Singer and songwriter Adele has quickly become one of the biggest names in the music industry, but despite her success, Adele has taken away from me the right to have my son and name him Adele The Singer And Songwriter.

My child, who is currently gestating in the womb of my lovely wife, would be named Adele, The Singer Of Hits Such As “Hello” And “Rolling In The Deep,” will never have a chance to be successful as long as the English crooner is still pumping out chart topping singles. My wife and I have been asking each other the same question for the last three months: Does Adele need to die so that our unborn son may thrive in our modern society?

Adele The Singer Born on May 5th, 1988 will be blossoming from my wife’s mighty womb in a matter of weeks now, on March 24th, 2016. Still we have yet to determine if the woman stealing our child’s future success (or as my wife calls it, “fuccess”) may be allowed to walk among the earth at the time of our son’s arrival into this mortal plane.

We are mostly worried that Adele, Daughter Of Penny Adkins And Mark Evans will have a hard time getting along with our five year old son, Amy Winehouse, Known For Her Deep Expressive Contralto Vocals, and our dog, Dave.

I guess this all comes back to the advice that my father gave me on the day of my wedding. He told me, “Richard Nixon, 37th President Of These United States, if you ever have a child and decide to name him Adele Who Is Listed At Number Five On VH1′s 100 Greatest Women In Music, make sure you have killed Adele first.”