Iowa City, Iowa – (WRT) James Nelson, 39 years old, has a game-winning hack to beating the age-old game of Monopoly. Previously thought unbeatable, James’ strategy cannot be beaten by even professional players. His secret? By electing himself banker, James is able to secure hundreds of colorful pieces of paper right under the noses of his snotty brats.

“It’s a supply and demand thing,” James spoke to WRT reporters, “The supply is money. The demand is money. If I control the supply of money, I don’t have to demand money anymore.” James wadded up three thousand Monopoly dollars. “Here, baby. Keep up the hard work. I’ll put you up in a hotel on North Carolina.”

At this moment, James’ children, Jessica and Donovan, have yet to comment.