South Bend, IN (WRT) – Move over Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo, because there is a new festival for music and young people. The city of South Bend, Indiana is proud to announce 35 Hungry Tapirs Rummaging Around the Greater South Bend Metropolitan Area.
The party started just over six hours ago after several neighborhood youths released the tapirs from the South Bend Zoo, and the wavy good-time chill-vibes have been bringing in artists of all kinds.
The festival features cutting edge bands like 4 Tapirs Looking for Ants in a Parking Lot at the Old National Bank, who started their set over 5 hours ago and continue playing even now. Many of the festivals attendees have been confused and unprepared for the sudden explosion of culture and music. Some of the more entrepreneurial attendees have been using the festival as a way to sell unique 35 Hungry Tapirs Rummaging Around the Greater South Bend Metropolitan Area merchandise.
“I’ve got everything,” said Woke Lenny, “I’ve got anthill hats, tapir milk, tapir bones, anthill bones, I’ve got the original wire cutters used to break into the zoo, autographed by the founders of this great festival.” Woke Lenny made over nine dollars today and plans on making even more in days to come.
But not everyone is pleased with the way this festival is turning out.
“This music festival has to stop,” said Officer Tad Crowley. “I’ve just been arresting tapir after tapir. I’m not even sure what for. Is there a book on tapir law that somebody can lend to the South Bend police department?” Officer Crowley proceeded to handcuff a tapir to a streetlight.