Sources indicate that it is still not clear whether or not picking this up would be sanitary, leading some to believe that picking up the pin another time would lead to better resolution.

One report indicates there are other bobby pins to use and much dirtier parts of the home that require attention.

The post Bobby Pin Still On Floor Where You Dropped It Seven Months Ago first appeared on World Report Today.

Waunona, MN (WRT) – I found this pair of boots in a restaurant in the bathroom. These boots are very stylish and I imagine whoever wears these boots will get a lot of women or men. Somebody should hurry up and claim these boots before I take them and use them to get a brand new job as the CEO of Looking Good!

1. These Cool Ass Boots are Dope AF

Look, let’s just stick to the facts. These cool ass boots offer a lot of flare in both the dope department, and the groovy department. I’d wager these cool ass boots could even be considered fly. If I had to think of a few more adjectives for these cool ass boots, I would, because I like these cool ass boots a lot and so should you.

2. These Cool Ass Boots Will Keep Your Feet Dry, Definitely

There is no doubt in my mind that your feet will be dry in these cool ass boots. Whoever used to own these cool ass boots definitely knew a thing or two about dry feet. They probably had a whole book about dry feet and how dry feet are better than wet feet. You can’t do anything in wet feet. Have you tried going to the circus in wet feet? You can’t even enjoy the elephants because your feet are all wet.

3. Nobody is Going to Hurt You if You Wear These Cool Ass Boots

Nuh uh, no sir, no way. If I put these cool ass boots on I doubt I could even get a vicious, rabid junkyard dog to nibble on my toes. Even an angry man who is about to hit you will take one look at your cool ass boots and recognize you as a person with serious style.

4. If Nobody Claims These Cool Ass Boots I Am Going to Take the Cool Ass Boots and They Will be Mine

I am going to say it for the last time: I will wait only five more minutes for somebody to claim these cool ass boots from the bathroom at the Arby’s and then I am going to take them with me. If you are walking around right now and suddenly notice that you are missing a pair of cool ass boots, you need to get your naked feet into this Arby’s and claim your footwear.

5. That’s It! I Am Snatching These Cool Ass Boots Up

You had your chance, the cool ass boots are mine.

The post Whose Cool Ass Boots Are These? first appeared on World Report Today.

Another one of your neighbors who has a slightly nicer car than you do, has decided to start parking in your undeclared parking spot despite the known knowledge among neighbors that you are the one most likely park in that space.

To top off such an atrocity, there was also no logic present on the scene. Your preferred parking space is closer to your apartment than this particular neighbor’s apartment. Why the hell would he park farther from his apartment? Is he trying to burn 10 extra calories per day? Is he going home to your apartment?

At press time, your neighbor has not driven his car in at least two days, and there is no indication he plans to move his car any time soon.

The post Neighbor Takes Your Unofficial Parking Space Again, What a Dick first appeared on World Report Today.

“It’s a supply and demand thing,” James spoke to WRT reporters, “The supply is money. The demand is money. If I control the supply of money, I don’t have to demand money anymore.” James wadded up three thousand Monopoly dollars. “Here, baby. Keep up the hard work. I’ll put you up in a hotel on North Carolina.”

At this moment, James’ children, Jessica and Donovan, have yet to comment.

The post The Game Has Changed: This Father Discovered a Way to Cheat at Monopoly first appeared on World Report Today.

“I would say that I support cleaning up the lake. If they draft legislation that resulted in a city ordinance on cleaning up the environment, I’d support it.” a University of Wisconsin student said while song writing in a park. “It’s about time they put the environment first.”

“I mean, the lake is pretty bad, and that’s what happens when people pollute” another local told WRT on his way to work. “People aren’t paying attention, you know? I suppose they forget about important things they just sorta take for granted. But I hope they realize the necessity at some point.”

At press time, we could not get in contact with “they” to follow up on whether or not they had plans to clean up the lake.

The post Lake Still Polluted Despite Increased Public Awareness of Pollution first appeared on World Report Today.

“We’ve tried reading him The Myth of Dog Sisyphus, and even attempted to explain to him the Eternal Dog Return, but nothing has been able to lift his spirits,” explained chief Dog Philosopher Robert Nguyen.

“There is nothing,” Barkers barked, “nothing that will save us from our monotony. Nothing will break us from this bleak world. We will go on repeating our dull and dreary activities– fetching, sitting, speaking, being a good boy– until the icy hand of the Grim Reaper delivers us from this pathetic mortal coil and rescues us to a comfortable emptiness.” Barkers then proceeded to pretend to throw a ball for himself to catch. “This is a metaphor,” he wagged.

The post We Let This Dog Gaze Into the Abyss Until the Abyss Gazed Back and Now This Dog is Really Messed Up first appeared on World Report Today.

David lugged the 70 pound box onto the counter once it was his turn, looking to the 71 year old post office worker with the expectation that she could properly do fucking anything to a box that heavy. “Sir…?” Esther, the senior volunteer for the afternoon said as the room went completely silent.

“Did I label it wrong?” David said as onlookers became filled with disbelief somebody could be this fucking terrible.

At press time, David could be seen wasting his own idiot life filing a complaint that his package couldn’t be shipped on time.

The post Man Puts 70 Pound Weight In Large Flat Rate Shipping Box- this can’t possibly be acceptable, right? first appeared on World Report Today.

“I just don’t know how that could be true, I had so much fun tonight” said one skeptical man after the Super Bowl. “I’ve eaten so much today I feel absolutely sick. I’ve never been that hungry before and probably would kill myself if I was.”

When presented with the fact that 22% of all children in the United States live in poverty, the man responded “Well not my children, definitely not my children. I don’t know anybody going through that.”

When asked whether or not he would do anything to combat childhood poverty in the United States, the man told reporters “Well, you know, I kind of have this Super Bowl after party that I’m REALLY late for. So I mean I wish I could help, but ERRRRRRR, I already have plans tonight.”

At press time, the local douchebag was seen drinking his 6th beer in his four bedroom house.

The post STUDY: Childhood Poverty Still a Thing Despite Super Bowl Being Awesome first appeared on World Report Today.

“Why would they put handles on the outside?” he could be heard saying to himself inside the building. “Now I look like an idiot.”

It was confirmed on scene that others in the vicinity did think he was an idiot.

The post DENIED: Exterior Door Must be Pushed Rather Than Pulled in Order to Gain Access to Building first appeared on World Report Today.