“Hillary Clinton is realistic, she’s someone who knows how to actually get things done compared to Bernie Sander’s wishful thinking, and what those moron Republicans think.” said Sam on his way to voting in the Texas Democratic Primary on Super Tuesday. “Sanders just doesn’t come off as credible, after all, he’s a socialist.”

“We need somebody who’s experienced in the White House, somebody who has actually been in the White House before. I also think it’s time for a woman to be President, don’t you think?”

At press time, Sam was sure to get his whole family on board with the idea of voting for Hillary Clinton in November.

The post “Hillary Clinton is Realistic Choice” Says Father Who Did Absolutely No Political Research first appeared on World Report Today.

“Breaking Bad really wasn’t all that good, it just started to really suck, so instead I’ve been watching Family Guy for the last few hours now” said Obama with his eyes barely open. “Of course I’m only watching the first few seasons, the good shit.”

With no other lights on in the room, it wasn’t apparent that Obama had set up a TV on one of the couches in the Oval Office. “People have been trying to get in here all day. Everybody thinks I’ve been in a emergency Pentagon briefing this whole time” the President said as he got some sort of meat snack out of the microwave on his desk. “I mean, let’s be realistic, they’re not going to find out. But if they did, what are they going to do, fire me?”

At press time, Obama had not figured out a plan to get the TV and the smell of sweat out of the Oval Office before tomorrow morning.

The post “What are they going to do, fire me?” Exclaims Tired Looking Obama After Watching TV for 18 Hours Straight first appeared on World Report Today.