“Hillary Clinton is realistic, she’s someone who knows how to actually get things done compared to Bernie Sander’s wishful thinking, and what those moron Republicans think.” said Sam on his way to voting in the Texas Democratic Primary on Super Tuesday. “Sanders just doesn’t come off as credible, after all, he’s a socialist.”

“We need somebody who’s experienced in the White House, somebody who has actually been in the White House before. I also think it’s time for a woman to be President, don’t you think?”

At press time, Sam was sure to get his whole family on board with the idea of voting for Hillary Clinton in November.

The post “Hillary Clinton is Realistic Choice” Says Father Who Did Absolutely No Political Research first appeared on World Report Today.

Houston, TX (WRT) – In the last debate before Super Tuesday, the five remaining GOP candidates had to fight hard to stay relevant among the political genius of a literal foreign policy blunder.

What appeared to be a jet fuel explosion infused with the wreckage of a United States drone wowed the crowd Thursday night as it laid out its plans for a 12 billion dollar Mexico-American wall that would actually cost at least 300 billion by the time construction was complete- with no aid from Mexico. The crowd was stunned at the revelation that the wall wouldn’t make any difference whatsoever, causing the crowd to burst into excitement.

“I can’t argue with that, I just can’t, you’re a very smart man and I can respect that, this is the future of the Republican party, the type of things we need, real conservatism” stated Donald Trump after the explosion with sounds of pure terror outlined its plans for continuing involvement in the Middle East, Syria, and the ambition to expand American influence/troops into Ukraine and Southern Russia.

The post Literal Foreign Policy Blunder Wins GOP Debate first appeared on World Report Today.

Washington, DC (WRT) – After days filled with tension and deadlock, Sen. John Cornyn was applauded by Congress when he brought S. 2407 to the floor, a vote to replace all Congressional seating with foamy multi-colored bean bag chairs.

“The American people need us to pay attention to their everyday problems, we cannot just sit here, uncomfortable, and deny to talk about problems facing everyday Americans.” said Cornyn as he walked slowly to the front of the podium.

“The American people need our support… they need our support back.” Cornyn explained as he positioned himself next to an easel holding a large poster with a cloth over it. “They need back support. And not just back support, we need comfort, fun, and stimulating relaxation.”

“That’s why I propose that we do something about it.” the senator said tearing off the curtain over a large graphic of a bean bag chair accompanied by a thunderous applause that could be heard throughout the building.

At press time, the House was preparing for an emergency session to review the bill.

The post Vote To Replace All Congressional Seating With Foamy Bean Bags Passed Unanimously first appeared on World Report Today.