President Obama | World Report Today

Trump’s 757 Spooked by Larger Air Force One

James Masino — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 22:46:48 +0000

Washington, D.C. (WRT) Upon the President’s early return from Cuba, the much larger and intimidating Air Force One accidentally spooked Donald Trump’s personal 757 jet today at New York’s LaGuardia airport.

The candidate was in town for a fundraiser when airport officials had to spend the entire afternoon attempting the calm the 757 down after the unexpected interaction. The 757 was seen flaring its own tail wing and driving backward in a sideways pattern (attempting to look larger) to the safety of a nearby hanger after sighting the President’s plane.

Crews trying to lure the 757 out with jet fuel and other treats resulted in a simple mean stare from the plane itself, sparking a standoff that lasted hours.

The 757 didn’t warm up to airport crews until the plane itself felt lonely enough to seek attention. The airport has recommended that in the future the two planes shouldn’t be put in the same airport with one another.

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Obama Now Ready To Take Your Guns Away

James Masino — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:49:27 +0000

Washington, DC (WRT) – It was 3:28 PM on a Thursday afternoon when Obama was found sitting in complete darkness within the walls of the oval office. A thick smell of cigarette butts layered the room in a fowl stench. The couches and his desk had been replaced with fold out tables, and what appeared to be multiple saw horses supporting large wood panels- all surfaces were covered with various kinds of weapons and ammunition. The President’s chair had been replaced with a lounger.

“I’m seven years too late, I’m finally gonna do it” Obama said smoking a large cigar. “I only have 11 months now. Santa Claus has more free time than me.” he said as he polished a .357 magnum. “Did you know that 35% of households have firearms? I have to be ready to face great adversity.” Obama said as he reached for a sawed off shotgun to load.

“Cleveland Bundy was right all along, too bad no one would listen.”

At press time, Obama could be seen loading hollow point rounds into each of his 50 pieces- one gun for each star on the flag.

The post Obama Now Ready To Take Your Guns Away first appeared on World Report Today.

“What are they going to do, fire me?” Exclaims Tired Looking Obama After Watching TV for 18 Hours Straight

James Masino — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 22:23:31 +0000

Washington, DC (WRT) – After spending the last seven years solving problems around the globe, the President decided now was the time he could get away with figuring out “what the hell Breaking Bad even is.”

“Breaking Bad really wasn’t all that good, it just started to really suck, so instead I’ve been watching Family Guy for the last few hours now” said Obama with his eyes barely open. “Of course I’m only watching the first few seasons, the good shit.”

With no other lights on in the room, it wasn’t apparent that Obama had set up a TV on one of the couches in the Oval Office. “People have been trying to get in here all day. Everybody thinks I’ve been in a emergency Pentagon briefing this whole time” the President said as he got some sort of meat snack out of the microwave on his desk. “I mean, let’s be realistic, they’re not going to find out. But if they did, what are they going to do, fire me?”

At press time, Obama had not figured out a plan to get the TV and the smell of sweat out of the Oval Office before tomorrow morning.

The post “What are they going to do, fire me?” Exclaims Tired Looking Obama After Watching TV for 18 Hours Straight first appeared on World Report Today.