The party started just over six hours ago after several neighborhood youths released the tapirs from the South Bend Zoo, and the wavy good-time chill-vibes have been bringing in artists of all kinds.

The festival features cutting edge bands like 4 Tapirs Looking for Ants in a Parking Lot at the Old National Bank, who started their set over 5 hours ago and continue playing even now. Many of the festivals attendees have been confused and unprepared for the sudden explosion of culture and music. Some of the more entrepreneurial attendees have been using the festival as a way to sell unique 35 Hungry Tapirs Rummaging Around the Greater South Bend Metropolitan Area merchandise.

“I’ve got everything,” said Woke Lenny, “I’ve got anthill hats, tapir milk, tapir bones, anthill bones, I’ve got the original wire cutters used to break into the zoo, autographed by the founders of this great festival.” Woke Lenny made over nine dollars today and plans on making even more in days to come.

But not everyone is pleased with the way this festival is turning out.

“This music festival has to stop,” said Officer Tad Crowley. “I’ve just been arresting tapir after tapir. I’m not even sure what for. Is there a book on tapir law that somebody can lend to the South Bend police department?” Officer Crowley proceeded to handcuff a tapir to a streetlight.

The post UNBELIEVABLE – Is This the Most Important Music Festival on Earth? first appeared on World Report Today.

“I always try to be an advocate for Hillary where it counts the most, but this Super Tuesday was different, I genuinely had a good time talking with those concerned with making democracy better through their right to vote. This allowed me time to exercise my right to mingle without talking about my wife” the former President said despite probably being an expert in that specific subject.

“We’d have a real electioneering problem if I would have broke out my saxophone. Hillary would have lost Massachusetts to me” President Clinton joked to a silent news room.

Unaware that more than 68,000 people had signed a petition online calling for action to be taken against the former President for violating Massachusetts state election law, President Clinton said “Let’s be realistic, what are they gonna do, throw me in jail for talking to some people?” It was clear to reporters at the scene President Clinton was deliberately being a dick about what he was up to on Super Tuesday.

At press time, another petition with 300 million signatures declared this event an indisputable example of a dick move.

The post “I Did Not Have Relations With That Election” Bill Clinton Says Making Fun of Self first appeared on World Report Today.