“I think nobody said anything because we were all mostly just really concerned about his arms” explained one 69 year old Orlando native. “Not once did he put down his arms the whole time he was asleep, it was like watching the moon landing.”

“The suspense was killing everybody, we just really wanted to see when he would drop to the floor, and then just nothin’. His arms just stayed there like gravity wasn’t even a thing” said another concerned audience member.

We reached out to Carson’s campaign to better understand what happened tonight, a spokesman for Carson explained that Ben was already in bed, and he wouldn’t know until late Saturday afternoon.

The post Ben Carson Asleep Whole Time While Announcing Suspension of Campaign first appeared on World Report Today.

Houston, TX (WRT) – In the last debate before Super Tuesday, the five remaining GOP candidates had to fight hard to stay relevant among the political genius of a literal foreign policy blunder.

What appeared to be a jet fuel explosion infused with the wreckage of a United States drone wowed the crowd Thursday night as it laid out its plans for a 12 billion dollar Mexico-American wall that would actually cost at least 300 billion by the time construction was complete- with no aid from Mexico. The crowd was stunned at the revelation that the wall wouldn’t make any difference whatsoever, causing the crowd to burst into excitement.

“I can’t argue with that, I just can’t, you’re a very smart man and I can respect that, this is the future of the Republican party, the type of things we need, real conservatism” stated Donald Trump after the explosion with sounds of pure terror outlined its plans for continuing involvement in the Middle East, Syria, and the ambition to expand American influence/troops into Ukraine and Southern Russia.

The post Literal Foreign Policy Blunder Wins GOP Debate first appeared on World Report Today.

The post Poll: Which Republican Candidate Will Drop Out Next? first appeared on World Report Today.

“This pizza is really good, and I really want to show them that I appreciate this, but I’m getting kind of full” Carson mumbled as he ate progressively slower.

“Mm… that crust looks really crusty too. That’s going to be kind of hard on my teeth. But then again I don’t think I’ll be eating for another three hours” Carson said to himself while raising the pizza up and down from his plate. “There isn’t a trashcan nearby either. I really don’t want to just have a plate with crust on it.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten this in the first place.”

At press time, Carson was looking slightly agitated as he awkwardly stood around campaign volunteers, attempting to spark up conversation so he could delay his pizza crust decision.

The post Ben Carson Unsure Whether Or Not To Eat Crust On Pizza first appeared on World Report Today.