“I think nobody said anything because we were all mostly just really concerned about his arms” explained one 69 year old Orlando native. “Not once did he put down his arms the whole time he was asleep, it was like watching the moon landing.”

“The suspense was killing everybody, we just really wanted to see when he would drop to the floor, and then just nothin’. His arms just stayed there like gravity wasn’t even a thing” said another concerned audience member.

We reached out to Carson’s campaign to better understand what happened tonight, a spokesman for Carson explained that Ben was already in bed, and he wouldn’t know until late Saturday afternoon.

The post Ben Carson Asleep Whole Time While Announcing Suspension of Campaign first appeared on World Report Today.

Willie Wilson who hasn’t had enough support throughout the primary process to even be invited to democratic debates, and only now has gotten on the ballot in South Carolina just days prior to the vote, apparently is still not drawing the eye of supporters in the face of Wonka’s campaign now eclipsing his own. Wilson, who is supportive of canceling outstanding student loan debt and focusing on education initiatives, just wasn’t likable enough for democrats compared to Wonka’s promise of Universal Candy.

Willy Wonka over the last few weeks has outlined his plans for a single payer candy system, where all Americans are able to subsidize their own sweets. Many also say that Wonka comes off as a “capable leader” compared to Wilson, mostly due to his much tighter foreign policy where America’s enemies would be forced to survive and eventually win Wonka’s candy factory in order to prove their ethical worth as a new ally.

Wonka himself might be doing better if it wasn’t for his extensive ties to major candy corporations and the milk-chocolate industrial complex.

The post Willie Wilson Behind Willy Wonka By 0.5% In South Carolina Primary first appeared on World Report Today.