“She is clearly the momentum candidate heading into Super Tuesday judging by this amazing landslide victory” said one source. “We can deduce that from this single victory, Clinton has everything she needs to take the nomination- there is no doubt about it.”

“This has redefined the democratic race for the White House, there’s little chance that Bernie Sanders could ever be successful in the 46 other states.” another insider told WRT.

At press time, President Barack Obama and his family were seen packing their belongings in the White House early to make way for President Hillary Clinton who’s moving in next week. President Obama clarified to thank CNN for such up to date reporting, otherwise he never would have known Hillary Clinton would be the next President.

The post Clinton Wins Nomination After South Carolina Apparently Representative Of Whole Nation first appeared on World Report Today.

Willie Wilson who hasn’t had enough support throughout the primary process to even be invited to democratic debates, and only now has gotten on the ballot in South Carolina just days prior to the vote, apparently is still not drawing the eye of supporters in the face of Wonka’s campaign now eclipsing his own. Wilson, who is supportive of canceling outstanding student loan debt and focusing on education initiatives, just wasn’t likable enough for democrats compared to Wonka’s promise of Universal Candy.

Willy Wonka over the last few weeks has outlined his plans for a single payer candy system, where all Americans are able to subsidize their own sweets. Many also say that Wonka comes off as a “capable leader” compared to Wilson, mostly due to his much tighter foreign policy where America’s enemies would be forced to survive and eventually win Wonka’s candy factory in order to prove their ethical worth as a new ally.

Wonka himself might be doing better if it wasn’t for his extensive ties to major candy corporations and the milk-chocolate industrial complex.

The post Willie Wilson Behind Willy Wonka By 0.5% In South Carolina Primary first appeared on World Report Today.

“Hillary Clinton represents people just like you, I mean, come on, like she supports raising the minimum wage to 10 dollars an hour” he said with sweat coming off his brow. “Sanders is dividing the democratic party, do you really think-do you really think [SIC] thats? ..a good idea?”

The millennial noticing a man wearing a dark suit on the other side of the room having turned around frantically started jiggling his hand, cuffed to the underside of the table in an unsuccessful attempt to escape. After the dark suit wearing man quickly turned back the millennial froze and continued “I mean do you really think- DO YOU REALLY THINK you can just go against the establishment??”

Laughing nervously while smirking he continued “[SIC] Ha ha, hahaha, I’m-m just kidding around, t-the establishment is just some m-made up Sanders fact.”

The post Millennial Poll Officer Telling You To Vote For Hillary Clinton Seemingly Chained To Table first appeared on World Report Today.