“We… we really just don’t know how we’re going to break this one to Neptune” said Jim Green, NASA’s director of planetary science. “We were so excited to discover this explanation for the motion of known bodies in the Kuiper Belt that were being affected by the movement of this massive object. We just weren’t prepared for the massive emotional trauma this potentially risks for Neptune.”

NASA’s planetary science lab was in a silence throughout Wednesday afternoon as they tried to determine how Neptune would react. “Neptune hasn’t seen his father in hundreds of millions of years, he might not care.” one scientist suggested. “Neptune’s dad leaving absolutely had effects in Neptune’s formation, there’s no way there aren’t lasting scars.” another rebutted.

At press time, nobody could agree on who would break the news to Neptune.

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